There are rules for dying at work you know. 
Sweet! I'm hungry just thinking of this. 
This one is aimed at men 
A bit pissy are we? 
The bottom 2 sqaures on this sign are the funniest. 
Die AND pay for the pleasure of it dammit. 
For High School Girls and Gay Men. 
Just weird. 
For the desperate man. 
For your weekly reading enjoyment. 
No dicking around kids. 
A Breast Chair. 
A 4-legged chair thats just really fucking freaky. 
I can't imagine that someone would pay actual money for this... 
Now then, Breakfast anyone?
One day, and ONLY one day per year, I forget to be fucking brilliant and do something completely fucking stupid. So fucking stupid that I wonder how its possible that I have made it this far in life without being hit and killed by small children on tricycles and Big Wheels.
I expect and even command you to wallow in my despair and console me beyond what would normally be expected of just anyone. I, of course, am not just anyone. I am the QUEEN of the FUCKING UNIVERSE and I demand empathy, sympathy, and appropriate expletives from you all.
A quick summary:
1. My computer gets a virus.
2. My husband, Sparky, is a computer genious.
3. Sparky has me back up all necesary items from said PC.
4. On Wednesday, I ask Sparky for a blank DVD-RW to burn my photo album too, as it has more than 12,000 photos in it and won't fit on a CD at 3.9 gigs.
5. On Thursday, I delete all folders and files no longer needed and let him have at fixing the damn thing.
6. I might add that I work online and have a shitload of programs due to that.
7. Sparky spends all night Thursday and into the morning of Friday formating my PC and reinstalling all needed programs so that I can work as per usual on Friday morning. He's a genious. Everything in and running perfectly. (As are our other 10+ computers in the house.)
8. On Saturday, I decide its time to update my blog. I decide to grab a photo.
9. My moronic stupidity slaps me squarely in the face.
10. I only spoke about copying the photos, I never actually did it. Somehow my mind allowed me to assume since I had spoken about it, that I had done it as well.
11. 12,000 photos gone. Hundreds of hours of work on said photos. Graduations, weddings, holidays, babys, children, pets, travels, the lot. Gone. (I used to have a photography site, its my hobby, its a passion.)
12. My sorrow and loss is incomprehensible.
Sparky spent hours searching and found a program to recover files from an erased and newly formatted hard-drive. After 2 days of recovery, I have gotten back approximately 3000 photos. I will never have all back that I lost but some is better than none.
The British are brilliant. You all should marry one as well.
I shall be back tomorrow with my usual fucking brilliance, wit, and charm. Today I am wallowing in self-pity.
PS: A private thank-you to RD who unknowingly sent a wonderful email at just the perfect time, which cheered me up immensely. You are appreciated more than you know.
You people who voted to ban gay marriages because its "morally wrong," are the same fucking people who don't seem to realize that YOU do things on a DAILY basis that are "morally wrong" as well. Not you? Really. All this "The Bible says its a sin" is fucking bullshit. I bet most of you don't even know the bible, haven't read it cover to cover, and rarely if ever use it as a reference.
I think that all of you who you were out there denying these thousands of same-sex couples the same basic rights that you all have, because it "goes against the bible," need me to 'school' you a little bit on how fucking wrong you all are as well. Lets have a little "class" on all the wrong things YOU do, that the "Bible says is a sin."
Here are just a few examples. I'll try to make it real fucking simple for you.
Category #1: The guy across the street just got a new truck. You think to yourself, "why can't I get a nice truck like that? " "How can he afford a new truck?" "Wow, nice convertible." "Oooh I love the color of that new car they bought."
Your neighbor just put in a nice swimming pool. A pool would be great right about now, wouldn't it?" Have some friends over, cook some burgers on the grill. Relax around the pool. You vow to yourself that next summer, you're getting a pool and it will be bigger and better than his.
You drive through a more expensive neighborhood. You too wish you had the plush lawns, the big house, the nice cars, and the money to afford it all. That much money, to never worry about bills or new cars or kids clothing again, man, that would be great wouldn't it?
The new couple that moved in down the road - hes young, sexy, nice body - shes young, cutesy, great shape, hot. You wonder what happened to your body, or maybe you wonder when did your wife or husband get fat? Where did the years go? You think to yourself that maybe you should start working out. Maybe a diet. Maybe even a tanning bed. Maybe a face lift or breast implants or some botox or a tummy tuck. Maybe you're the same age as that young couple and a bit jealous because they look so good. Bastards.
Tsk, Tsk. You've been coveting. This ring a bell? You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or anything that belongs to your neighbor. Wish you had a phone like your friend? Wish you were thinner like that friend of yours that eats and never gains a pound? Yup, still coveting.
Category #2: You work weekends, or maybe you have weekends off and spend the entire weekend doing yard work or remodeling or other "work around the house." You might sleep in late both days on the weekends. You look forward to weekends at the end of the week to spend time with your family, traveling, etc.
Again, does this ring a bell? Observe the sabbath day and keep it holy, as the Lord your God commanded you. For six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord; you shall not do any work. Tsk, Tsk. You weekend workers are, gasp, sinning. You're going against the Bible. Been to church on Sunday lately? Did the laundry last Sunday? Mowed the lawn last Sunday? Took out the trash? Washed the car? All work. You get my point here, right?
Category 3: You're young. Your parents are a bit strange, they don't fit in. Maybe they are hippie hold outs from years ago. Maybe they dress differently. Maybe your dad argues too much with everyone. Maybe their house is falling apart. Maybe they are poor or in ill health. Whichever, you don't take your friends around much. You don't want to be embarrassed. Maybe you're a bit older and you have a mom with Alzheimers disease. She wanders around too often. You get called at work by your dad telling you that your mother has wandered off again. You really do need to find a care facility don't you? Make it easier on everyone. Or, maybe its your father. Maybe hes nearly 80 years old. His body is not working like it should anymore. Maybe on occasion he urinates in his clothing. Hes slow. You're impatient. You hurry him up, move him along. Probably don't visit as often as you should. Its easier now that your parents are in a nursing home. Maybe they aren't quite that old yet. Maybe your mother is in her 40s or 50s and dresses like she did 20 years ago. You try to get her to change but she doesn't. Shes comfortable as she is. You don't agree.
Tsk, Tsk. Ring a bell? Honor your father and your mother. "Honor" kids. You don't put them in a home when they are old, you honor them by taking care of them they way they took care of you. You aren't embarrased by them, you honor the years they put in doing their best. You look beyond the little things that you don't like about your parents because they are your parents. They are meant to be honored. All you sinners out there. You know what I'm talking about. Going against what the Bible says, are we?
Category #4: Have you ever said any of the following:, "Oh my god look at that?" "Good god whats wrong with her." "Jesus Christ what is wrong with you people." Just samples. Have you ever typed "OMG" or "OMFG" ?
Tsk, Tsk. Ring a bell? "You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God." Typing OMG is wrongful use. Saying goddamit is wrongful use. Etc. You get my drift here, don't you?
Category #5: Ever bring home any pencils or pens from work? Anything else maybe? Post it notes, or paper clips, or a marker? Did you ever put money in a vending machine and get 2 items instead of 1? Cool huh. Did you ever get incorrect change back from a clerk in a store, they miscounted and you got extra and didn't say a word? Did you ever see that candy dish they have in some restaurants where it says "have a mint" so you took 2 or 3 or a handful? Did you ever put money in a newspaper machine and take 2 papers instead of 1? Accidently walked out of a store without paying for something, totally unintentional, but realized it when you got to the car?
Tsk, Tsk. This ring a bell? Thou shall not steal. "Have a mint" means ONE. You stole if you took 2 or 3. Extra food from vending machine you know you did not pay for? Yup, stealing. You didn't call the company and report it did you? Didn't think so. Yeah so what if that stupid young clerk at the gas station gave you an extra few cents back. Gas is fucking expensive isn't it? Got to the car with that unintentionally unpaid for object and didn't immediately go back into the store to pay for it? Sorry kids, knowingly taking and keeping something that doesn't belong to you is stealing.
School is now closed.
Now then, its obvious you are all perfect and get to judge others. The Bible says you should judge everyone doesn't it? So, you all judged that gays, lesbians, transgendered people, etc are all a bit less moral than you? Just couldn't give them the right that you have for marriage because it goes against the bible or its morally wrong. Yet I've just shown you that you do things that go against the Bible as well.
I might just take a moment to add that if you have ever fucked someone's ass or had your ass fucked, and I mean all you straight people, you know who you are, or if by chance you've given or received oral sex or a blow job, then kids, you are doing exactly what you do not want same sex couples to have the legal right to do. Ever had sex before marriage? Ever had sex for pleasure instead of for the exact purpose of creating a baby? Tsk, Tsk.
But in case you don't actually realize it, this wasn't about sex. It was simply about the right for same-sex couples to have the same legal rights that heterosexual couples have. The right to make medical decisions after 30, 40, or 50 years of sharing a life together. The right declare that you love someone enough to marry them and make a vow to take care of them in sickness and in health, to love and cherish. The right to be together as long as you both shall live.
I cannot comprehend why voters in this country object to same-sex marriages. It's completely fucking beyond me. Why the fuck does it matter to you?
You should all be ashamed and embarrassed of yourselves. You did a bad thing by voting against this. Its time for you all to get out there and fix it.
Best Costume Ever!
Best Punkin Butt! 
This was my absolutely very bestest 
Back when you got GOOD prizes inside.
This man was a hottie back in the day. 
The Scariest Fucking Game Ever.
The Scary Music
The Candy Bag
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