Friday, October 10

Ode To Bacon, For my Friend with the Ego

I went to visit a friend (who can be found HERE)
and fuck off yes I do have friends.
He was lamenting his burned turkey bacon.
Being the kind and generous soul that I am,
I trolled the internet and found a plethera of bacon products for him,
as a reminder that
Real Bacon Rules.
I'm fucking brilliant. You know it and so do I.
Bacon Scented Air Fresheners
Bacon Bandages

Ah... Bacon Flavored Toothpicks. Buy extra.

After toothpicks, of course you need Bacon Flavored Floss

Bacon and Egg Bandages - for those who don't like lonely bacon

Bacon Flavored Jelly Beans. Yum.

Bacon Wallet
(Made out of Bacon patterned cloth you idiots, not real bacon.)

The Bacon Lunchbox
This ended my original post.
My aforementioned friend stopped by to view said blog
and requested a bacon jock strap. (Yeah, like I can work magic).
I did a bit more bacon trolling and came across something that may be acceptable.
A Thong.
I also found pig panties.

Bacon Flavored Salts

Bacon Heart Panties

Maple Bacon Lollipops

And last but certainly not least by any stretch of the imagination,
The Web Famous Raw Bacon Bra

Again, I will take this opportunity to remind you all that
I am
Fucking Brilliant.
But you already knew that.

5 Snappy Comebacks:

rd said...

yes, my little bacon betty, you are, indeed, kind, generous and brilliant. the bacon scented air fresheners really get my slab sizzlin'.

and for the record. there is nothing in the world i love more than real bacon, but unless I want to look like porky pig, i need to stick with that turkey crap...which is STILL better than that cardboard bacon crap (soy? i don't remember, i blanked it out).

did you find any bacon flavored jock straps? if so, i'm there.

as for trolling? i kinda like that, as well. even on the internet.

rd said...

uh...i'm speechless. me! speechless!

what is this world coming to?

Dwayne said...

I thought the bacon wallet was kinda neat as was the jockstrap. Bacon floss though? Okay, now I've got that dog treat commercial stuck in my head...its bacon!!!!

Catherinette Singleton said...

Wow, that bacon bikini is kind of scary. Can't you get worms from that?

I think I'll stick to my regular old bacon. Mmm...bacon.

Dr Zibbs said...

I love all this bacon stuff.