Wednesday, March 11

Life's Little Fucking Pieces of Reality

This man is my son-in-law.
This photo was taken 3 months ago
On his 22nd birthday.

In less than 60 days

He will be in Afghanistan.

Between now and then, my daughter and son-in-law need to buy a home, move into it, write their wills, and make arrangments 'just in case,' amongst many other things.

My daughter will be giving birth to their second child in August. Her husband's tour of duty in Afghanistan will be a minimum of 10 months, so he will miss the majority of the pregnancy, the delivery and the first few months of his child's life.

US Marines give up alot to serve their country.


I offer no humor in my 'humor blog' today.

I only ask that you think kindly of our soldiers and wish them well.

They Serve to Live

And Live to Serve.


Semper Fi

Sunday, March 8

Babies and Hoes, Thats What Its All About!

I trolled the internet, hoping to find something with the word "fuck" in it, regarding Daylight Savings Time (which for you non-americans, happens today in the US). I emerge victorious, as usual, because once again, I am fucking brilliant.

I also happen to have learned something new from these images regarding the time change, and it is my duty as a good American to inform you of the same.

I hope you find these as amusing as I do!

I hope you all have a marvelous fucking day.
Or a day of fucking marvelously.
Your choice.

Saturday, March 7

People Are Bastards

This is what we do to our dog when we are bored.
We are bastards you see.
And we love it.

Friday, March 6

Fuck Responsibility, I Want to Dance Like a White Girl

Its Friday. The day is g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s. Its 11 AM and beautiful outside.

Today is NOT a good day to be a grown up, thats for damn sure.

I want to be a kid again.

Care to Join Me??

I want to play Red Rover all day and Kick the Can all night.

I want to drink grape soda pop and then laugh until it comes out of my nose.

I want to eat a tuna sandwich with potato chips on it or put Doritos on a hamburger.

I want to walk barefoot in the gutters after a pouring rain, looking for earthworms.

I want to build a tree house...for girls only of course....
and then throw water balloons at all the boys.

I want a candy necklace...and a sticky neck. (You know what I mean.)

I want a gigantic pixie stick....a pure sugar shooter...and I want to savor it for hours.

I want to be the passenger, sitting backwards, on a banana seat bike,
flying down hills at the speed of light!

I want to make my own skateboard - from an old roller skate
(the kind you used to use a key with)....
and then roll down hills over and over, trying not to crash.

I want to play hop scotch, jumprope, and klackers (remember those?)

I want to do a few running swan dives off the high diving board.

I want to make homemade popcorn balls and homemade chex mix.

I want to have a slumber party and play truth or dare
and then call the radio station
and dedicate a song to someone I secretly like.

I want to play some Three Dog Night,
some Mamas and the Papas,
some Dr. Hook,
and some Neil Sedaka.....
I want to dance like a white girl
in my underwear
while singing into my hairbrush
and dreaming about
what I'll be like when I'm a grown up.

Fuck Responsibility people...
lets all play Hookie today and be kids again.


Thursday, March 5

My Little Stud Muffin (My One Nice Day This Month)

I have always heard the stories about how wonderful being a grandparent is.
Well, let me tell you, the stories don't hold a candle to reality.

I don't have to worry about schedules.
I don't have to worry about naps.
We play or eat when we want to.
I'm not wondering if I'll be able to afford clothing, diapers, toys....
there is no stress over bills.

We simply play.
And smile.
And giggle.
And laugh.
And cuddle.
And play some more.

Grandmas are for treats and chocolate milk and noisy toys.
We are for messy foods, silly outfits, silly songs,
and lots of the"Noggin" Channel.
He makes me more patient, softer, more gentle, kinder and happier.
He doesnt care what I do, who I know, or what I think.
He just knows I'm grandma and I'm fun and safe and warm.
Life doesn't get any better than this.
Well hold on, it will.
My second grandchild is due in August.
Somedays, I can hardly wait!
Sometimes I think this little guy looks like Heath Ledger.
I must have said that out loud to people 100 times.
That was before I realized
that my little stud muffin
was born the very day that Heath died.
Photo Credits: Sher Hilliard Photography

Wednesday, March 4

Wednesday Bitch

Our stove died, ovens, burners and all. We don't have the money to fix it until payday. (Such is life, huh!). We have one small local store and I decide to go there to see if they have anything inexpensive we can use until payday. The story of that visit follows:
I enter the store and note that the store manager is checking customers out, with about 5 people in line. I grab a cart and begin to wander through the aisles. After 30 minutes of not finding anything useful, I get in line to check out with my Coke and Mt. Dew. The cashier/clerk is no longer the store manager, the girl checking people out is apparently new, as I have never seen her before and as this is the only local store in our small town, I am at this store at least 3 times per week.
Me to Clerk: I know you had these last year, but I cannot find them this year, so I am asking... Do you have those individual stove burners that sit alone on the counter?
Clerk: Um... ma'am we have burner covers ?
Me: No, what I mean is the actual burner, it plugs into the wall...looks like an electric stove burner...I saw them here last year once but cannot find them now. Do you still have them?
Clerk: Um... well ma'am I know we have those metal pan thingies that go under the burners ?
Me: No...this is an actual burner...plugs in, you can put pans on it...cook on it...Oh, I think its sometimes called a Hot Plate.
Clerk: (Big smile) Oh Yes Ma'am...we have plates. They are plastic.
Me: No, I......
Clerk: (Interrupting me)... But ma'am our plates aren't hot...they are plastic...they might melt if they were hot.
Me: No...I do NOT mean plates. IT. IS. AN. ELECTRIC. BURNER. It plugs into the wall, you cook on it, and sometimes I think its called a Hot Plate. Have you seen any in the store?
Clerk: Please ma'am, I really don't think you can put these plastic plates on a burner. They will melt and it will stink pretty bad.
Me (Teeth gritted): Where is the store manager?
Lady in Line behind me to her children: Listen you idiots, I think you are stupid but listen to this idiot (As she points directly into the clerks face, fingers about 1 foot away from her face).
Clerk to Me: (Now standing with hands turned up...shaking her head...looking like shes going to cry)..Ma'am We have plates, cold plastic plates. We have burner covers, burner pans. I don't know what you want.
Me: Can you please just get me the store manager?
Clerk: I don't know where he is. (This store can be seen entirely from the checkout line - its probably 50 feet wide by 75 feet long)
Me: Can you overhead page the manager please?
Approximately 8 year old kid in Line behind me: Man She is fucking stupid Mom. That lady is stupid as shit.
Clerk to Me: Ma'' .....
Me: I'll just pay for these sodas then thanks.

Tuesday, March 3

Tuesday Bitch

Whatever happened to Peppermint Patty? Was she a lesbian? Think about it. No, seriously. I'm right aren't I? Marcie was her significant other/partner/lover. Makes sense now, doesn't it?
What ever happened to Pig-Pen? Did he find himself a good woman he wanted to bathe for? Remember, he was surrounded by "the dust and dirt of ancient civiliations?" Yup you know it, he's that rich and famous archeologist now, making one ancient discovery after another. I always thought it must suck to be him. But it never did, did it?
Whatever happened to that bitch Lucy? Didn't you love to hate her? Mean bitch that she was? I've known quite a few "Lucys" over the years. Never trusted them. Back stabbing bitches.
Schroeder. The geek. The sexy geek. You know its true. Smart and elusive. Untouchable.
Linus. The mama's boy. Big whiny-ass baby. Probably still lives at home and is 50 years old. Blanket toting bastard.
"The Little Red-Haired Girl" - I like to think that Charlie finally came into his own, worked up his courage, finally munched her muffin, and they eloped right after their first date.
And Snoopy. The original Snoop-Dog. For some reason, I always liked his relatives better than I liked him. His brothers Olaf and Spike were more favored than he was. Snoop Dog and his posse.
I know I'm missing a few characters here, but these were the ones that stood out in my mind when I found this cartoon while trolling the web. (And the teachers voice, 'wah, wah, wah wah.')
Charlie Brown - Now that I'm this age, I find your baldness and innocence quite sexy.
You can do it Charlie Brown...
YOU can bring sexy back.

Monday, March 2

Monday's Weird Fucking Photo

Go on, guess what the fuck this is...I dare ya!

Photo Credit: Sher Hilliard Photography