Wednesday, March 4

Wednesday Bitch

Our stove died, ovens, burners and all. We don't have the money to fix it until payday. (Such is life, huh!). We have one small local store and I decide to go there to see if they have anything inexpensive we can use until payday. The story of that visit follows:
I enter the store and note that the store manager is checking customers out, with about 5 people in line. I grab a cart and begin to wander through the aisles. After 30 minutes of not finding anything useful, I get in line to check out with my Coke and Mt. Dew. The cashier/clerk is no longer the store manager, the girl checking people out is apparently new, as I have never seen her before and as this is the only local store in our small town, I am at this store at least 3 times per week.
Me to Clerk: I know you had these last year, but I cannot find them this year, so I am asking... Do you have those individual stove burners that sit alone on the counter?
Clerk: Um... ma'am we have burner covers ?
Me: No, what I mean is the actual burner, it plugs into the wall...looks like an electric stove burner...I saw them here last year once but cannot find them now. Do you still have them?
Clerk: Um... well ma'am I know we have those metal pan thingies that go under the burners ?
Me: No...this is an actual burner...plugs in, you can put pans on it...cook on it...Oh, I think its sometimes called a Hot Plate.
Clerk: (Big smile) Oh Yes Ma'am...we have plates. They are plastic.
Me: No, I......
Clerk: (Interrupting me)... But ma'am our plates aren't hot...they are plastic...they might melt if they were hot.
Me: No...I do NOT mean plates. IT. IS. AN. ELECTRIC. BURNER. It plugs into the wall, you cook on it, and sometimes I think its called a Hot Plate. Have you seen any in the store?
Clerk: Please ma'am, I really don't think you can put these plastic plates on a burner. They will melt and it will stink pretty bad.
Me (Teeth gritted): Where is the store manager?
Lady in Line behind me to her children: Listen you idiots, I think you are stupid but listen to this idiot (As she points directly into the clerks face, fingers about 1 foot away from her face).
Clerk to Me: (Now standing with hands turned up...shaking her head...looking like shes going to cry)..Ma'am We have plates, cold plastic plates. We have burner covers, burner pans. I don't know what you want.
Me: Can you please just get me the store manager?
Clerk: I don't know where he is. (This store can be seen entirely from the checkout line - its probably 50 feet wide by 75 feet long)
Me: Can you overhead page the manager please?
Approximately 8 year old kid in Line behind me: Man She is fucking stupid Mom. That lady is stupid as shit.
Clerk to Me: Ma'' .....
Me: I'll just pay for these sodas then thanks.

4 Snappy Comebacks:

Angela said...

I had no idea that Jessica Simpson was working at the store you frequent...what a treat! NOT!
I can't believe you had the patience to actually deal with that.
You must be a saint.

Michael said...

Hilarious. As I read this I thought I detected a southern accent in the clerks voice. Very funny.

Sher (aka Sassy) said...

You are correct Michael...we live in the South. Idiots abound.

rd said...

switch the southern drawl for spanglish attitude and...well, you know.