Crowd-Pleasing Ideas

Yup...I think that about covers it for today.

You know who you are.

Sad Little Fuckers, Aren't They?

I've got this Feedjit thingamabob on my blog. It tells me when you all visited, where you visited from, and how you got here - direct link, photo search, google phrase/word search, etc.

The current top link that people visit from is 2008 Weblog Awards - Yes my dear sweet children, yours truly was a finalist in the "Best New Blog" category. Eat your little motherfucking hearts out.

The top photo search that brings the world to my blog is for "Merkins." (See Sunday Brunch and Pubic Decor)

I now will share with you, the top "phrases/words" that bring people to my fucking blog when they do a google search.

Ready?

1. "Want Fuck."
2. "Fuck fingers."
3. "Famous fuckups."
4. "Fuck off and die."
5. "Fucked up."
6. "Fuck you."
7. "Fuck it."
8. "Fuck me."

You'll notice of course that each one contains the word fuck.

My goal was to get everyone to use the word fuck more often.

My work here is done.

Babies and Hoes, Thats What Its All About!

I trolled the internet, hoping to find something with the word "fuck" in it, regarding Daylight Savings Time (which for you non-americans, happens today in the US). I emerge victorious, as usual, because once again, I am fucking brilliant.


I also happen to have learned something new from these images regarding the time change, and it is my duty as a good American to inform you of the same.


I hope you find these as amusing as I do!

I hope you all have a marvelous fucking day.

Or a day of fucking marvelously.

Your choice.

People Are Bastards

This is what we do to our dog when we are bored.

We are bastards you see.

And we love it.

Random Fuck Fingers

I always try to take the road less traveled.
Its much more interesting.
I do the same while traveling around on the internet.
I look for the places less traveled.
And when I find them, I roll around in them
until their stink is all over my body.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Some of you might actually know what I mean by that.

The rest of you, sadly, are missing out on a grand portion of life.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Today I offer you what I like to call
"Random Fuck Fingers."
I do not know these people.
I just ran across all of them on the web,
offering a finger or two
for my viewing pleasure.
You decide what they mean:
Fuck you,
Fuck off,
Fuck me I'm cool,
Fuck this,
Fuckin' A,
Fuck off and Die,

Et Cetera

I have more.

I'll bring them tomorrow.

If I find you deserving that is.

Time to worship your Queen kids...you know you want to.

Surely you haven't forgotten

That I am the Queen of the Universe?

Perish the thought.

My Halloween Shit is Better Than Yours

I have candy.

I have asses.

I have costumes.

I have jokes.

~~~

Basically, I'm so fucking brilliant

I have it ALL!

~~~

After all that,

Join me on a walk down memory lane,

to the memories of MY childhood Trick or Treating!

Best Costume Ever!

Best Punkin Butt!

Some funny stuff.

This was my absolutely very bestest

mostest wonderfulest

favoritest

halloween treat ever ever ever.

Popcorn balls.

Ahhh Childhood.

Begin Memory Lane.

If you close your eyes,

You can smell these masks, can't you?

Back when you got GOOD prizes inside.

This man was a hottie back in the day.

The Scariest Fucking Game Ever.

The Scary Music

The Candy Bag

Stop stealing all your kid's candy.

Sunday's Poll and Other Nonsensical Nonsense

I've set up a poll. (See -------->).

Its anonymous dummies.

You don't have to comment,

but you can least fucking vote.

Bastards.
Don't forget I'm fucking Brilliant as always.

And now, for other amusements:

Saturday Brunch - Pubic Decor

For the last 7 days

I have been feeding you fat lazy bastards breakfast.
Today is your last meal.

It's Brunch day and Merkin day.

Don't know what a Merkin is?

Well kids, a Merkin is a Pubic Wig.

Photos follow.

(I do work hard for your viewing pleasure,

tips are welcome and will be taken -

they are included on your bill).

Now then, today I'm having eggs benedict.

You all can help yourselves to the grab and go items.

Don't get fucking crumbs on my blog

or you'll spend the day cleaning it.

Need I remind you that

I'm fucking brilliant?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Eggs Benedict.

Scrumpdillyiscious.

Pan au chocolat -

The best goddamn french pastry on the planet.

If you have not had this,

you have missed out on something truly fanfuckingtastic.

A variety of Muffins for your dining pleasure.


Croissants


Strawberry Crepes

Hot Cinnamon Rolls

Bagel Assortment

Pastry Plethera

Donuts

Ok then, now that you have your grab and go food,

its time to

Meet the Merkins.

And a happy family they are.

The first item is just a mildly amusing ad for Merkins.

I'm not real sure why they use straw.

Sounds completely idiotic to me.

Maybe people can grow extra long pubic hair

and then donate it to a pubic hair charity.

It's my idea.

If there is any profit in this idea, thats mine too.

Hot Damn...I AM fucking brilliant.

The Butterfly Merkin

The Bullseye Merkin

The Feathered Merkin

The Bored Looking Woman

With an Ugly Floral Merkin

The "Natural" Merkin

(Might I say, Ewwww..)

The Man's Merkin.

Circular?

Someone explain that to me huh?

The Natural Heart Merkin

The Sparkly Heart Merkin

The Rainbow Merkin

(Insert Lesbian comments here.)

The Patriotic British Merkin

The Don't Ask Me What This Is Merkin

The Small Heart Merkin

The Purple Wedding Day Surprise Merkin

The Runlikehellfromthat Merkin

The scarylameassbitchmotherfuckingwhatinthehellisthat Merkin.

Thanks for playing along all week kids. Its been a pleasure.

I've enjoyed the comments and the visits.

Any suggestions for next weeks topic are welcome.

Might not be paid attention to but are welcome just the same.

So I leave you with this parting reminder.

I'm

Fucking

Brilliant.

And don't you forget it.

Public Service Announcement: Merkins were invented 4 bazillon quatillion years ago for prostitutes to wear over their nether regions to hide the syphlitic lesions and gonorrheal scars which were just a normal job hazard back in the day.