I'm Pretty Fucking Sure I'm a Zombie

When I was 22ish I spent 2 glorious years working the night shift - overnights from 11 pm to 730 am. I had all the hours of daylight to do whatever I chose and then I worked all the hours of nighttime to earn money. I loved it. I reveled in it.

The opportunity came upon me to change my work hours a couple of weeks ago to once again work the night shift. However, these would be "night hours of my own choosing," any time between say 2 pm and 9 am the next morning. I jumped at the chance. I would once again have daylight hours to revel in, to glory in, to Live in.

I don't think its gone well so far. I'm not even sure what day of the week today is. I do know I totally missed Sunday. I misplaced it somewhere. I'm doing this idiotic thing where I am awake 6 hours then sleep 2 hours then awake 6 hours then sleep 2 hours then awake 6 hours and then sleep 2 hours. If you add that, it makes 24 hours. The problem is, I end up being awake 10-12 hours then sleep 2 hours then awake 4 hours and sleep 3 hours then awake 16 hours and sleep 4 hours then need a desperate nap and then I realize Ive totally missed an entire day somewhere.

I'm eating dinner at 3 am and some mornings at 6 am and on occasion 11 pm. I'm not sure when to eat breakfast and lunch is obviously totally fucked.

I've realized I am no longer 22 and life is no longer my oyster. Bastards.

I find myself waking up at 5:30 in an absolute panic... is it 530 am or 530 pm? Its dark both times of day now. My daughter and my husband have tried to maintain some semblance of normalcy, although my husband tries to live during my hours - I find I can no longer do laundry or vacuuming because some one is generally sleeping when I am awake and I don't want to make noise that awakens them.

My daughter thinks Thanksgiving is on Friday. I think its next week. My husbands a Brit and he doesnt care when it is.

I'm not sure when I last showered. I find myself going to the store at midnight every other day. I find myself having a couple beers around 10 in the morning before I go to bed.

I walk around like an absolute zombie, drooling upon myself, scratching my parts, and grunting.

Life is Grand isn't it.

Why didnt someone tell me you can't go back to 22 again? Bastards.

Too Early In the Damn Morning.

Here I sit, drinking a Dew, smoking too many cigarettes, trying to wake up, and watching the dog lick her crotch. After mulling this over, in my still sleep-induced state, I have decided that its a good thing women cannot lick their own vulva. If we could, we would do it a whole lot fucking better than any man ever could. And then men would become obsolete.

We also would do it way too fucking often and run the risk of becoming addicted. And that would mean "trying to quit having sex in an unhealthy and addicted manner" which would eventually lead to some idiotic crap like "Sex Addicts Anonymous." Which is actually just a smoldering pile of hot, stinky bullshit. No one forces someone to have sex all the time, thats just crap. Its a "legal" way to cheat - "Oh, I can't help myself, I'm a sex addict, blah, blah, fucking blah. Don't fuck anyone. Now you're no longer addicted. I've cured you. Now give me $450 and run along.

All those idiotic "anonymous" groups are a bunch of bullshit. You replace your old addiction with your new addiction, "group meetings." Gotta get there on time, gotta do 10 meetings this week, gotta go here and do that and say this stuff and learn this bullshit and and and and and...........

It's real fucking simple people. Just say fucking no. Addicted to tobacco? Don't fucking buy any. Addicted to alcohol or drugs? Don't fucking buy any. I'm addicted to both. Do I quit? Hell no. Why? Because I simply do not want to quit.

Another of my little turds of truth. Face reality you fat lazy bastards. Don't blame your "addiction" crap on anyone or anything else other than your lazy-ass selves. I was a heroin addict once-upon-a-time. Was. Not "recovering, " just no longer buying it and using it. Yes, it IS that fucking Simple. (Bet that pisses a few people right off. Good. It should.)

Ah, but I'm rambling....this all started with the dogs crotch. All dogs eat pussy. If a cat does it, is that considered pussy on pussy action? Ohh ...scary, its too fucking early to get that deep.

Little Turds of Truth

I got my ass beat rather often as a child. I hated it. I was supposed to hate it. If I didn't want my ass beat, I changed my behavior or learned not to get fucking caught. I, in turn, beat my children's asses when needed. They didn't die. They aren't scarred. They are not in therapy. They are perfectly normal.

What the fuck is wrong with parents of young children these days?

Everywhere I go I see demanding, whining, screaming, 2 and 3 year old fuck monkeys who run entire families. By the time they are 7, 10 and 13 I want to reach out and strangle them where they stand.

These fucking kids are allowed to decide where, when, and what meals will be eaten. They decide their own bedtimes. They pick and choose their own toys and clothing (and dress and look like morons). They are catered to and pandered to and mollycoddled and never-no-not-ever punished.

So tell me something dipshits - WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Have you lost your fucking minds? Here's a little turd of truth for you - NO ONE CAN STAND YOUR CHILD. Whiny, pissy-assed little bitches and bastards no one wants around. Start being a fucking parent instead of a "friend" and raise the little fuckers right - before they grow up and someone else kills them.

Movie Crap

I watch a lot of movies. I'm just one of those lucky bitches with extra time on my hands. Last night we watched "War, Inc," with the Cusacks, Ben Kingsley, Marisa Tomei, and a suprisingly older Hilary Duff. Apparently Hilary grew up while I was watching different movies. Shes not great in this movie but I was surprised to see how much the bitch had grown up. I thought she was still 15. Apparently not. My bad.

The premise of War, Inc. is simply war as a business, sponsered by large corporations. The ending is fucked like most movie endings these days, but there are moments of great humor during it. (Moments, not minutes, but moments.) Movie lines like "cocksucking fez head" and such cracked me up. The tanks have company logos and ads, there are hotels with names like "Miami Bitch Hotel", etc. I recommend it for a good short 15 chuckles. The end is shitty and abrupt and could have been much better - one of those movies like most I've seen recently that just suddenly fucks off and stops. Movie making bastards should really pay attention, get "average" people to view them before releasing them so we can tell you whats fucked up with them. We are the ones that pay for your shit, start catering to US instead of yourselves.

"The Invisible" is a fairly decent movie. If I were 5 years younger, I would graciously allow Justin Chatwin, the main character, to fuck me twice. (Hell, I don't need to be 5 years younger, I was going for dramatic effect. (He was also in War of the Worlds, but sadly went by unnoticed by me in that movie.) I liked this movie more than most of the ones I've seen lately, but again, most movie endings are shitty these days as was this movies ending.

You'll watch these movies because I spoke of them. Male or female, tell me you dont want Justin to fuck the shit outta you. I dare ya.