Tuesday, August 26

Movie Crap

I watch a lot of movies. I'm just one of those lucky bitches with extra time on my hands. Last night we watched "War, Inc," with the Cusacks, Ben Kingsley, Marisa Tomei, and a suprisingly older Hilary Duff. Apparently Hilary grew up while I was watching different movies. Shes not great in this movie but I was surprised to see how much the bitch had grown up. I thought she was still 15. Apparently not. My bad.

The premise of War, Inc. is simply war as a business, sponsered by large corporations. The ending is fucked like most movie endings these days, but there are moments of great humor during it. (Moments, not minutes, but moments.) Movie lines like "cocksucking fez head" and such cracked me up. The tanks have company logos and ads, there are hotels with names like "Miami Bitch Hotel", etc. I recommend it for a good short 15 chuckles. The end is shitty and abrupt and could have been much better - one of those movies like most I've seen recently that just suddenly fucks off and stops. Movie making bastards should really pay attention, get "average" people to view them before releasing them so we can tell you whats fucked up with them. We are the ones that pay for your shit, start catering to US instead of yourselves.

"The Invisible" is a fairly decent movie. If I were 5 years younger, I would graciously allow Justin Chatwin, the main character, to fuck me twice. (Hell, I don't need to be 5 years younger, I was going for dramatic effect. (He was also in War of the Worlds, but sadly went by unnoticed by me in that movie.) I liked this movie more than most of the ones I've seen lately, but again, most movie endings are shitty these days as was this movies ending.

You'll watch these movies because I spoke of them. Male or female, tell me you dont want Justin to fuck the shit outta you. I dare ya.

Sunday, August 24

Life's Little Bits of Bullshit

Time Warner Cable. What a crock of shit. Have you tried calling them? First you get an automated computer voice that apologizes for not understanding you. However, if your response to one of its questions is "fuck off and die" the voice says "I'm sorry, I don't understand. Let me connect you with a service technician." Next time I'll skip the rest of the bullshit and say that immediately.

After this irritatingly long process, you are immediately placed on hold and forced to listen to continued advertisements for their products and services. Average time on hold: 45 fucking minutes. I will concede that now that has changed slightly. Now, 2 minutes into the holding pattern, another computer voice apologizes for your wait, tells you how utterly important you are to them, then informs you of your wait time - 20 to 25 minutes. Before, you were left in the dark as to how long you would wait in this perpetual hell of ads and apologies. Now you can fuck off and take a shower while you hold.

Yesterday morning, the DVR died. I have hours of shows and movies taped on it. I contact the company via Live Support Chat (new trick I learned, takes one-quarter of the time calling them does). They do the usual bullshit "unplug it and plug it back in" like I'm too much of a fucking moron to know if its really broken or not. Then, sadly I am informed they are very, very sorry but my DVR is broken. No shit, thats what I told you in the first place you fucking dipshit. They are also "very, very sorry" to inform me that all things taped and saved on the DVR will be lost and that I need to find my nearest company office and exchange my DVR for a new one. For this service and various viewing packages, I pay $100.00 a month, and they are sorry and can I do their fucking job for them? Fuck you, no I cannot. Bring me a new DVR yourself bitch, thats what I pay you for. Don't even get me fucking started with their out of country service representatives. If I wanted to speak to some moron I cannot understand who lives in India, I would call India.

Saturday, August 23

Time to Find Myself

It's not gonna be pretty, but I'm sick to death of being polite. Its time I get my bitch on. If I don't like something you say, I'll tell you so. If I don't like your attitude, I'll tell you. If I don't like you, surprise, surprise, you'll figure it out. I'll talk about whatever strikes my fancy and don't give a shit if someone else cares what I have to say. I'll say what I want to say, when I want to say it, and if you don't like it who gives a fuck. Welcome to my world. I'm the Queen of the Universe and its time I start to rule.