Monday is Fuck Mania Day!

I will be gifting all of you

with a wide variety of uses for the word FUCK.

Why?

Because you lazy ass bastards,

You need to learn to be a bit more fucking creative

with your use of the word fuck.

Take insults for instance.

I'm mean for fucks sake,

play around,

experiment,

try something new -

Dare to be FUCKING different.

The same tedious shitty insults

are becoming more and more passe as time passes.

Consider this a public service -

or a broadening of your horizons -

or, quite simply, the fact that

EVERYTHING is simply more fun to say

when you add the word FUCK.

Pay attention.

There will be a fucking test.

Now then,

I hope you've learned some new

and more creative ways to use the word fuck.

If not:

We ALL know that I'm fucking brilliant.

But, just in case you didn't fucking realize it,

the following applies as well.

As a parting gift,

for you ladies and cross dressers out there,

try a pair of these on tonight

To spice up your fucking.

For all you visitors who don't fucking comment,

Feel free to say howdy for fucks sake.

Do I have to fucking do everything?

(Practice your new found creativity on me!)

The Recovery Process Has Been Slow...

I have this computer desk, the kind that has a shelf way up above it. I have cats. They love to climb up on that high shelf and sleep. It's Monday morning....damn early. I'm not fully awake and functional. I get my Dew, light my cigarette, turn on the computer. Then, I hear the very beginnings of that dreaded noise cats make prior to vomiting. I jump up, reach for the cat high upon the shelf and realize I am too late. I received my very first cat-vomit shower. It covered the keyboard, the mouse, my clothing, my chair, the desk, the floor, and the unfortunate dog.

And so I cleaned.

By midday Monday, I had begun to realize that my face was swelling. My tooth was abscessing. By night time, my cheek and jawline from my bottom lip to my ear was all swollen. It hurt to eat and it hurt to talk. i was disfigured, miserable, and bitchy. I took medication.

Sometime that evening, my back began to ache (from the cat vomit cleaning I'm sure). By bedtime, I could no longer stand fully upright and had to walk around the house holding on to various objects. The cats tried to trip me and the dogs tried to knock me down. I farted when I coughed. I ached and whined. I used a heating pad and took more medications.

It is Thursday now. I'm still hunched over with a swollen face. My eye was swollen shut one morning. I am disfigured and imperfect. I'm still taking medications.

I expect you will commiserate, laugh, cry, nod in agreement. If not, fuck off. It's my day to whine and I'm gonna do it til the cows come home.

Everywhere You Look, Its One Idiot After Another

I'm wondering just how fucking desperate one must be, to want to fuck an animal. Any animal fuckers out there want to answer this ?

Got a man lives in the area who was caught fucking sheep about 20 years ago. Hes still know as "The Sheep Fucker." Wonder if that lovely tidbit will also be on his headstone. "Here lies John Doe, Father, Husband, Grandfather, Sheep Fucker." Once you get caught, no one forgets.

Got another man in the area, caught fucking a pig maybe 10 years back. Hes the Pig Fucker to everyone now. I wonder why a pig and not sheep?

Read about a man who got caught fucking a fish he caught. I understand when you fuck sheep and pigs you do it in their ass. The Fish Fucker must have wanted a cold wet blow job. It is illegal to fuck a fish IF you caught if first? Do you still cook it after? Maybe the fish actually sucks you off.

You never read about women getting caught having animals fuck them. They make movies with women being fucked by all sorts of animals, but theres money involved there.

Fucking idiots.