Sunday, November 30

Sunday's Fuck-Ups

These photos are self-explanatory.
If by some slim chance you cannot grasp the concept,
Remove yourself
from my blog
Immediately if not sooner
you idiot.

Wednesday, November 26

My Thanksgiving Shit is Better Than Yours, As Usual

In honor of Thanksgiving day (November 27, 2008)
I bring you more shit I found on the web...
Becauses its my job
and I do it Fucking Brilliantly.

We all have that certain family member, don't we?

This is exactly how I picture ALL of YOU -
men and women alike...

The truth hurts, doesn't it?

All you anti-immigration bastards,
pay fucking attention:
Welcome to The Glorious Southern US -
where Redneck Holidays Abound.

I did a search for "Turkey Shit"
and found a photo of
a Turkey Shitting.
I'm lucky that way.
More Southern Redneck Holiday Extravaganzas.

These poor animals should be
taken away from their idiotic owners.
But it is kinda cutesy.

Stupid humor for those of you who are rather stupid.
See, I think of everyone.

This makes no sense to me.
It could be amusing.
If by chance it makes sense to one of you,
Do not bother to enlighten me.
I don't fucking care.

Thanksgiving Cartoon Porn
For all my gay visitors.
See, I do think of everything.
I'm brilliant like that.

Don't move or the blue faced turkey gets it.

I hardly think this is amusing anymore...
but again, I include things for those
not so smart visitors I have.
You know I mean you.

How to threaten a potato and mean it.

This is not me.
However, I absofuckinglutely NEED this apron.

Some morons play with their food
way too fucking much.

Poor white trash Thanksgiving Meal.

Turkey as a sex object.
Sick minded people.

Another one for the stupid people.
What the fuck is the mustard for?

Happy happy.

How is it possible I've missed this festival all these years??

And, last but not least....

Happy T-Day All.

Tuesday, November 25

I'm Pretty Fucking Sure I'm a Zombie

When I was 22ish I spent 2 glorious years working the night shift - overnights from 11 pm to 730 am. I had all the hours of daylight to do whatever I chose and then I worked all the hours of nighttime to earn money. I loved it. I reveled in it.

The opportunity came upon me to change my work hours a couple of weeks ago to once again work the night shift. However, these would be "night hours of my own choosing," any time between say 2 pm and 9 am the next morning. I jumped at the chance. I would once again have daylight hours to revel in, to glory in, to Live in.

I don't think its gone well so far. I'm not even sure what day of the week today is. I do know I totally missed Sunday. I misplaced it somewhere. I'm doing this idiotic thing where I am awake 6 hours then sleep 2 hours then awake 6 hours then sleep 2 hours then awake 6 hours and then sleep 2 hours. If you add that, it makes 24 hours. The problem is, I end up being awake 10-12 hours then sleep 2 hours then awake 4 hours and sleep 3 hours then awake 16 hours and sleep 4 hours then need a desperate nap and then I realize Ive totally missed an entire day somewhere.

I'm eating dinner at 3 am and some mornings at 6 am and on occasion 11 pm. I'm not sure when to eat breakfast and lunch is obviously totally fucked.

I've realized I am no longer 22 and life is no longer my oyster. Bastards.

I find myself waking up at 5:30 in an absolute panic... is it 530 am or 530 pm? Its dark both times of day now. My daughter and my husband have tried to maintain some semblance of normalcy, although my husband tries to live during my hours - I find I can no longer do laundry or vacuuming because some one is generally sleeping when I am awake and I don't want to make noise that awakens them.

My daughter thinks Thanksgiving is on Friday. I think its next week. My husbands a Brit and he doesnt care when it is.

I'm not sure when I last showered. I find myself going to the store at midnight every other day. I find myself having a couple beers around 10 in the morning before I go to bed.

I walk around like an absolute zombie, drooling upon myself, scratching my parts, and grunting.

Life is Grand isn't it.

Why didnt someone tell me you can't go back to 22 again? Bastards.

Friday, November 21

Friday's Fucked Up Signs

As usual, I have found
yet more
fucked up signs.
Be amused people.
Be very amused.
I work extremely hard for your amusement.
Worship me
As you should.

Cant spell banana huh?

This one's for you Preston.

People shit too you know.

The Kaputs are..well...Kaput.

Helpful, aren't we?

Commando? Your mother knows.

Small children that aren't yours
are always extremely handy....

Take a tape measure....

No clue. Just do it.

As always, I'm still fucking brilliant.
I'll try to be here more often next week.
It's been a trying time
switching from the day shift
to the night shift.
I am now aclimatized.
Or kind of.
Fine, I'm working on it.
Be respectful and
Turn out the lights
when you leave.

Monday, November 17

Ass, Ass and More Ass....

You know how good I am at finding weird-ass shit.
Well, this shit is all about asses.
And it's weird.
So it fits my style perfectly.
~ ~ ~
Don't be an ASS
Leave a comment.
~ ~ ~
Get your ass moving..
people are lining up to see this
and your sorry ass is taking to fucking long.

Man chair for balls and ass.

Ass-Pie. Yum!

Blow it out your ass.

All right Kids...
Move your ass outta the way.
~ ~ ~
As always,
I'm fucking Brilliant.