Sunday, August 24

Life's Little Bits of Bullshit

Time Warner Cable. What a crock of shit. Have you tried calling them? First you get an automated computer voice that apologizes for not understanding you. However, if your response to one of its questions is "fuck off and die" the voice says "I'm sorry, I don't understand. Let me connect you with a service technician." Next time I'll skip the rest of the bullshit and say that immediately.


After this irritatingly long process, you are immediately placed on hold and forced to listen to continued advertisements for their products and services. Average time on hold: 45 fucking minutes. I will concede that now that has changed slightly. Now, 2 minutes into the holding pattern, another computer voice apologizes for your wait, tells you how utterly important you are to them, then informs you of your wait time - 20 to 25 minutes. Before, you were left in the dark as to how long you would wait in this perpetual hell of ads and apologies. Now you can fuck off and take a shower while you hold.

Yesterday morning, the DVR died. I have hours of shows and movies taped on it. I contact the company via Live Support Chat (new trick I learned, takes one-quarter of the time calling them does). They do the usual bullshit "unplug it and plug it back in" like I'm too much of a fucking moron to know if its really broken or not. Then, sadly I am informed they are very, very sorry but my DVR is broken. No shit, thats what I told you in the first place you fucking dipshit. They are also "very, very sorry" to inform me that all things taped and saved on the DVR will be lost and that I need to find my nearest company office and exchange my DVR for a new one. For this service and various viewing packages, I pay $100.00 a month, and they are sorry and can I do their fucking job for them? Fuck you, no I cannot. Bring me a new DVR yourself bitch, thats what I pay you for. Don't even get me fucking started with their out of country service representatives. If I wanted to speak to some moron I cannot understand who lives in India, I would call India.

2 Snappy Comebacks:

Anonymous said...

ain't it the gospel? all service reps (except my other half...because she'd beat the hell out of me if I didn't say she was the best in the world) suck. and do NOT get me started about those fucking east-indian gobs. it's not bad enough that the jobs are now going to these turbine-ventilator heads, but to make ME actually deal with them is enough to make me want to beat some ho down. fuck, they should pay ME to listen to their blather. not to mention they don't know squat about anything.

fine. i'm pissing out my ass, but...well, you know.

love,
Ming the Merciless

I'm A Sassy Old Bitch said...

My Dearest Ming,

You can bitch with the best (Which is me). You also know (or have been taught appropriately) when to throw in a compliment. Two great attributes. I just may allow you to hang around clinging to my shirt-tails.

Could you explain more in depth how one "pisses out their ass?" The visual on that is rather embarrassingly amusing yet somewhat disturbing.

Love,
Queen of the Universe,
To Infinity and Beyond.